Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Part FOUR: Conversations with An Imaginary Girlfriend....

Why do you have such reverence for shepherds?

I believe all The Prophets were shepherds.

How about The Messengers?

I dont know. I am not sure.

Okay.

What is the difference between a Prophet and a Messenger?

I looked that up....but I forgot.

Okay.

Chess....

What about it?

Rook and all. Pawn...Queen....someone hundreds of years ago assigned them powers. Simply put: Those are the rules of the game. Nobody breaks them. Maybe we have changed the rules a little bit.

What are you getting at?

Does this sound plagiarized or original?

I dunno. You are very shrewd.

Tell me more about shepherds.

Why rook.... pawn....why not something else?

That how wars were fought in those days...duh...isnt that obvious?

No. The man or men who invented The Game of Chess must be quite intelligent.

Ya. So? Maybe a woman or women invented it. You are a male chauvinist.

Nope. I am not.

Yes...you are.

Okay.

Dont tell me chess is not chess it is something else...legacy of your ancestors....it denotes something else...and all that stuff. Even if you are right by any chance....it cant be more than an educational game for adults that might help them learn war strategies of your Stone Age ancestors.....that has no relevance today.

Nope. Nope.

Then....what?

Snakes and Ladders. Why do you love that game? Tell me about it.

Later. Let us talk about chess now.

Boring.

Baby.

Okay.

Thanks.

Chessboard....

Ya.

Why 64 squares?

Let me interrupt you....

Baby....NO!

Please....

God....Okay.....

Sorry....you think Indians invented chess?

Yep.

Scarecrow?

Yep.

Snakes and Ladders?

Yep.

Ancient Indians were smarty–pants like you....you got their genes....so naturally you too....

Baby....be serious....

I am serious....okay....go on....

Chessboard.

I thought you hate redundancy.

Yep.

Anyways.

Why 64 squares?

I dunno. Tell me.

Solar system.

Elaborate. By the way, this is purely hypothetical....and has no sound basis....

I know.

Why do we write?

Why do we write what?

Letters.

Give me an example of an epistolary novel.

Your favorite: Daddy-Long-Legs.

I love you so much. You are my baby. My Honeypot.

Does he say this to her? Maybe there is an updated version?

Nope. I am saying this to you.

So you are saying we write letters because we care....we love....

If someone close to you stops writing to you....

I would get worried after a while....

Hmm.

What?

What is an Email?

A more advanced form of postal system.

Yep.

No stamps. Do you miss that?

Can I give you a piece of advice weirdo?

Okay. What?

Do you really expect any girl to know the meaning of epistolary? Do you know the meaning of restraining order? Maqsood: Believe me....you are seriously retarded....and, I dont want to continue this....live in relationship.

Baby.

Fine. Continue.

Wait. Why do you love Homing Pigeons? Tell me about them. Maybe all these are somehow connected....right?

Your Blog Post about....

We were discussing chess.

Yep. But I want to tell you something about communication first.

Okay.

You know what hurts us the most when someone close to us dies?

What?

We cant communicate and share with them anymore. Never again. Never. That is exactly when we understand the real meaning of the word never. This word NEVER sinks in...
Perhaps that is why we abhor death....That is why a rogue medium thrives....cons a gullible....grieving relative of the deceased.

Memories.

Memories?

Yep.

Maqsood: Your intuition is very poor tonight....so SLEEP!

This topic is boring. Tell me about symbiosis.

Baby.

What?

Define Light?
Define Fire?
Define Bug?
Define Bugbear?

Bugs get attracted to light.

Hmm. Is that definition of light?

Nope. Observation.

And, my observation is: You wont use the word friend but sidekick right....for instance....You are pedantic! hehehehe

Okay. Define: Light.

I dont know. I would give it a serious try....

Hehehehe See....I told you....you should be put in a straitjacket!

Light is....

Stop stammering and give me its definition.

Okay. I am trying.

Okay.

Maybe light is....

Maqsood: Sleep. Turn off the light! Dont forget. But damn....you are so scared of darkness! You wont say fear of darkness you would use a special word for it nyctophobia....right? Okay....Define: Nyctophobia.

Baby dont mock me please.

I am not....

You are a nerd.

Nope. I am not.

See....you wont even say no....

Now....you would give me an unsolicited explanation....

No wonder....you have schizophrenia!

You write pulp on your Blog and expect people to read it and give you feedback!

How old are you?

You are a psychopath!

Nope. I am not.

Serial killer!

Nope. I am not.

Nazi.

See....you didnt even deny!

Okay. I dont really mean to be rude....you are a learned individual but I cant marry you....and we cant live like this forever. Stigma. Repercussions....blah, blah, blah!

Have you ever seen UFO: An unidentified flying object....flying saucer?

Nope. I havent.

Did aliens abduct you?

Nope. They didnt.

See you just affirmed that aliens exist!

Nope. I didnt.

You falsify.

You are an awe-inspiring conversationalist!

Nope. I am not.

Traumatized childhood?

Define dignity.

Tell me about your theory of cathartic Blogging and medicinal leech!

Later.

See....I just nuked you.

Uncalled for hostilities.

I am doing this because I want you to stop....quit loving me.

Stop....quit loving you?

Ya. Duh! You are very different. We are too different even for a symbiotic relationship.

I am NOT your soul mate. Please DO NOT give up your QUEST sweetie!

You are NOT my soul mate?

Bastard!

Shh!....baby that is profanity!

Ya. Ya.

Mister lady–killer? You should be flogged!

That is pretty draconian!

Dungeon!

Tell me about fencing? Do you like it?

Nope. But a mounted swordsman....yep.

You are a sissy!

Define saboteur?

I would zap the maverick in you eventually and enslave you. You are nothing more than a doomed parakeet. STOP muttering!

And, SLEEP!

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