Monday, August 22, 2016

Islam QA: Sihr and its types

Praise be to Allaah.

Praise be to Allaah and blessings and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah, and his family and companions and those who follow his guidance.

Sihr is a serious crime and is one of the kinds of kufr. It is one of things with which people have been tested, in the past and currently, among the nations of the past, during the Jaahiliyyah and in this ummah. The more ignorance increases, the less there is knowledge and awareness of faith, the less attention the authorities pay to this matter – the more the practitioners of sihr and trickery increase and spread in the land, to take the people’s wealth and confuse them and do other things. When knowledge prevails and faith increases, and the Islamic authorities are powerful, the number of these evil people shrinks and they move from one land to another, seeking a place where their falsehood will be accepted and they will be able to engage in their trickery and corruption.

The Qur’aan and Sunnah have described the kinds of sihr and the rulings on these matters.

Sihr is so called because its means are hidden or secret, and because the practitioners of sihr deal with things in secret which enable them to perform illusions to confuse the people and deceive their eyes, and to cause them harm or steal their money, etc., in a secretive manner so that in most cases nobody realizes what is happening. Hence the last part of the night is called sahar, because at the end of the night people are unaware and they do not move about much. And the lungs are also called sahr, because they are hidden inside the body.

According to sharee’ah, the meaning of sihr is what the magicians do to delude and confuse people, so that the one who is watching thinks that it is real when in fact it is not. As Allaah said concerning the magicians of Pharaoh (interpretation of the meaning):

“They said: ‘O Moosa! Either you throw first or we be the first to throw?’

Moosa said: ‘Nay, throw you (first)!’ Then behold! their ropes and their sticks, by their magic, appeared to him as though they moved fast.

So Moosa conceived fear in himself.

We (Allaah) said: ‘Fear not! Surely, you will have the upper hand.

And throw that which is in your right hand! It will swallow up that which they have made. That which they have made is only a magician’s trick, and the magician will never be successful, to whatever amount (of skill) he may attain.’”

[Ta-Ha 20:65-69]

Sihr may involve things that the magician does when tying knots on which he blows, as is referred to in the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

“And from the evil of those who practise witchcraft when they blow in the knots”[al-Falaq 113:4]

And it may involve other things which they manage to do through the shayaateen (devils), so they do things that may affect a man's reason or make him sick; they may cause division between a man and his wife, resulting in her looking ugly to him, or by making her hate her husband or be put off by him. This is blatant kufr as the Qur’aan states. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They followed what the Shayaateen (devils) gave out (falsely of the magic) in the lifetime of Sulaymaan (Solomon). Sulaymaan did not disbelieve, but the Shayaateen (devils) disbelieved, teaching men magic”

[al-Baqarah 2:102]

 Allaah informs us that they (the shayaateen) committed kufr by teaching men magic. Then He says (interpretation of the meaning):

 “and such things that came down at Babylon to the two angels, Haaroot and Maaroot, but neither of these two (angels) taught anyone (such things) till they had said, ‘We are for trial, so disbelieve not (by learning this magic from us).’”[al-Baqarah 2:102]

 Then Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

 “And from these (angels) people learn that by which they cause separation between man and his wife, but they could not thus harm anyone except by Allaah’s Leave”[al-Baqarah 2:102]

i.e., this magic and any harm that results from it is subject to the prior decree and will of Allaah, for our Lord cannot be overwhelmed and nothing can happen in His Dominion against His Will. Nothing happens in this world or in the hereafter except by His prior decree and His great wisdom, as He wills. So some people may be tested by sihr, and others may be tested by sickness, or by being killed…etc.  Allaah is All-Wise in all that He wills and decrees, and in all that He prescribes for His slaves. Hence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but they could not thus harm anyone except by Allaah’s Leave”

[al-Baqarah 2:102]

i.e., by His universal (kawni) will and decree, not by His legislative (shar’i) will [i.e., He wills that it should happen but He does not enjoin it and He is not pleased by such actions]. For sharee’ah does not allow such things, indeed it forbids them, but by His universal leave He already knows and has already decreed that So and so will do sihr, and that So and so will be affected by sihr, just as He already knows and has already decreed that So and so will be killed, or afflicted with a certain sickness, or will die in a certain land, and will receive such and such provision, or will be rich or poor. All of that happens by the will and decree of Allaah, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, We have created all things with Qadar (Divine Preordainments of all things before their creation as written in the Book of Decrees Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)[al-Qamar 54:49]

 “No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but it is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz) before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allaah”

[al-Hadeed 57:22]

 The evils that come at the hands of the magicians or others do not happen because our Lord is ignorant, for He knows all things and nothing at all is hidden from Him, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, Allaah is the All-Knower of everything”[al-Anfaal 8:75]

 “that you may know that Allaah has power over all things, and that Allâh surrounds all things in (His) Knowledge”[al-Talaaq 65:12]

 So Allaah knows all things, and nothing happens in His Dominion that He does not will, but He has perfect wisdom and good aims in whatever He decrees should happen to people of honour or humiliation, losing or gaining power, sickness or health, magic and other things.

Everything that happens to people happens by the will of Allaah and in accordance with His prior decree. These magicians may perform their illusions, as stated in the aayah quoted above (interpretation of the meaning):

“They said: ‘O Moosa! Either you throw first or we be the first to throw?’

Moosa said: ‘Nay, throw you (first)!’ Then behold! their ropes and their sticks, by their magic, appeared to him as though they moved fast. [Ta-Ha 20:65-66]

 It appeared to the onlooker as if these sticks and ropes were snakes, moving fast in the valley. They were only sticks and ropes, but the magicians, through what they had learned, made what they demonstrated before the people look different in their eyes to what it really was.

 Allaah says (interpretation if the meaning):

 “by their magic, appeared to him as though they moved fast”

[Ta-Ha 20:66]

 And in Soorat al-A’raaf Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

 “He [Moosa] said: ‘Throw you (first).’ So when they threw, they bewitched the eyes of the people, and struck terror into them, and they displayed a great magic” [al-A’raaf 7:116]

 But in fact their sticks and ropes did not change; it was the people’s sight which changed because of the sihr, so they thought they were snakes, because of the illusion brought about by the magicians. Some people call this taqmeer, which is when the magician does things to make a person not sense reality as it really is, so his eyes do not see what is really there and things may be taken from his shop or his home without him realizing it, i.e., he does not know what is really happening. So he may see a rock as a chicken or as an egg, and so on, because reality has been changed in his eyes because of the confusion wrought by the magician, and because his eyes have been bewitched. There are things that the magicians do with certain substances to make people’s eyes not see what is really happening. This is the kind of magic which Allaah describes as “great” [i.e. serious, powerful] in Soorat al-A’raaf (interpretation of the meaning):

“… So when they threw, they bewitched the eyes of the people, and struck terror into them, and they displayed a great magic” [al-A’raaf 7:116]

From Majmoo’ Fataawaa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-‘Allaamah ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), p. 65

https://islamqa.info/en/9432

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Islam QA: How to deal with sihr (magic/witchcraft)

How to deal with sihr (magic/witchcraft)

Praise be to Allaah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is nothing wrong with ruqyah so long as it does not involve shirk.” He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) performed ruqyah and had it performed for him. There is a lot of good in ruqyah, and a great deal of benefit. Al-Faatihah, Aayat al-Kursiy, “Qul Huwa Allaahu Ahad”, al-Mi’wadhatayn and other aayahs may be recited over the person who has been affected by sihr, as well as good du’aa’s narrated in the ahaadeeth from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), such as the du’aa’ he said when he performed ruqyah for a sick person and said, “Allaahumma Rabb al-naas, adhhib il-ba’s, washfi anta al-Shaafi laa shifaa’a illa shifaa’uka shifaa’an laa yughaadir saqaman (O Allaah, Lord of mankind, remove the harm and heal him, for You are the Healer and there is no healing except Your healing, with a healing which does not leave any disease behind).” This may be repeated three times or more. And it was also narrated from him (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that Jibreel (peace be upon him) performed ruqyah for him and said three times: “Bismillaah arqeeka min kulli shay’in yu’dheeka, wa min sharri kulli nafsin aw ‘aynin haasid Allaah yashfeek, bismillaah arqeek (In the name of Allaah I perform ruqyah for you, from every thing that is harming you, from the evil of every soul or envious eye may Allaah heal you, in the name of Allaah I perform ruqyah for you).” This is a great ruqyah which was narrated in a saheeh hadeeth from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). It is prescribed to perform ruqyah for the one who has been bitten or stung, and the one who has been affected by sihr, and the one who is sick.

Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-‘Allaamah ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), p. 70

https://islamqa.info/en/11290

Islam QA: Du‘aa’s (prayers) at times of distress

309: Du‘aa’s (prayers) at times of distress

Praise be to Allaah.

Imaam Ahmad reported from ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood, may Allaah be pleased with him: "The Messenger of Allaah (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) said: "There is no slave who, when he is stricken by anxiety and sorrow, says ‘O Allaah, I am Your slave and the son of Your male slave and female slave. My forelock is in Your hand (i.e., You have complete mastery over me), Your command over me is forever executed, and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety’ - but Allaah will remove his sorrow and replace his grief with joy." The people said: "O Messenger of Allaah, we should learn these words." He said: "The one hears them should learn them."

Ibn ‘Abbaas reported that at times of distress, the Messenger of Allaah (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) used to say: "There is no god but Allaah, the All-Great, the Patient; there is no god but Allaah, Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god but Allaah, the Lord of heaven, the Lord of earth, and the Lord of the Noble Throne." (reported by al-Bukhaari, may Allaah have mercy on him, no. 5870).

The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) said: "The prayer for one stricken by distress is: "O Allaah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, Abu Dawud in al-Sunan, Kitaab al-Adab, Baab maa yaqool idhaa asbaha; see also Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3388).

Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays said: "The Messenger of Allaah (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) said to me: ‘Shall I not teach you some words to say at times of distress? "O Allaah, You are my Lord and I do not associate anything with You."’" (Reported by Abu Dawud in al-Sunan, Kitaab al-salaat, Baab fi’l-istighfaar; see also Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 2623).

The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) said to his companions: "Shall I not tell you some words which, if distress or grief befalls any of you and he offers this prayer (supplication), it will bring him joy? It is the du‘aa’ of Dhoo’l-Noon (i.e. Yunus or Jonah): ‘There is no god but You, Glory to You; verily I was one of the wrongdoers.’" (Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 2605).

Anas ibn Maalik said: "Whenever something distressed him, the Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) used to say: ‘O Ever-Living, O Self-Sustaining, by Your mercy I seek Your help." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 3446).

You must recite these du‘aa’s, may Allaah benefit you thereby and replace your sorrow with joy. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him).

Islam Q&A 
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Islam QA

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The noblest of the angelic Messengers, Jibreel, asked the noblest of the human Messengers, Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Tell me about the Hour.” He said: “The one who is asked about it is does not know any more about it than the one who is asking” meaning, just as you have no knowledge of it, I have no knowledge of it either. End quote.

Sharh al-‘Aqeedah al-Waasitiyyah, p. 158

And Allaah knows best.

https://islamqa.info/en/101968

Islam QA: al-ghayb al-mutlaq (the unseen in the absolute sense)

101968: No one knows the unseen in the absolute sense except Allaah

Published Date: 2008-08-26

Praise be to Allaah.

Knowledge of the unseen is something that Allaah has kept for Himself, as is indicated by the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: “None in the heavens and the earth knows the Ghaib (Unseen) except Allaah, nor can they perceive when they shall be resurrected”

[al-Naml 27:65]

“And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”

[al-An’aam 6:59]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained these keys as referring to five things which are mentioned in Soorat Luqmaan, where Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, Allaah, with Him (Alone) is the knowledge of the Hour, He sends down the rain, and knows that which is in the wombs. No person knows what he will earn tomorrow, and no person knows in what land he will die. Verily, Allaah is All‑Knower, All‑Aware (of things)”

[Luqmaan 31:34].

Al-Bukhaari narrated in his Saheeh (hadeeth no. 4477) that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “Whoever tells you that he knows what will happen tomorrow is lying.” Then she recited, “No person knows what he will earn tomorrow.”

But with regard to this matter it is important to know what is the unseen the knowledge of which Allaah has kept to Himself, because al-ghayb (the unseen) means that which is not seen, and that which is not seen may be either that which is not seen by all of creation – both those who are in the heavens and those who are on earth – this kind of unseen is known to no one but Allaah, and this is that which is called al-ghayb al-mutlaq (the unseen in the absolute sense); or this unseen matter may be unseen for some people, and known to some others. This is called unseen for the one who is ignorant of it, but it is not unseen or unknown to all people, and knowledge of it is not unique to Allaah. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Sharh al-‘Aqeedah al-Waasitiyyah (p. 158): What is meant by the unseen is that which is not seen. The unseen is something relative. But that which is unseen in the absolute sense (al-ghyab al-mutlaq) is known only to Allaah. End quote.

What fortune-tellers say of things that will happen in the future has nothing to do with the unseen or with knowledge of the unseen, and it is not knowledge of what will happen in the future. Rather they are liars who make false claims. But the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has told us that they steal knowledge of that which Allaah has revealed to His angels. It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: Some people asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about fortune-tellers, and he said: “They are nothing.” They said: O Messenger of Allaah, they say something and it comes true. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “That is a word of truth which the jinni snatches and cackles into the ear of his familiar like the cackling of a hen, and they mix more than one hundred lies with it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (7561).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained how the jinn steal this word. He said: “…when our Lord, may His name be blessed and exalted, decrees some matter, the bearers of the Throne glorify Him, then the people of heaven who are closest to them glorify Him, until the tasbeeh reaches the people of the lowest heaven. Then those who are nearest to the bearers of the Throne say: What did your Lord say? And they tell them what He said. And the people of heaven ask one another for the news, until the news reaches the lowest heaven. Then the eavesdropping jinn snatch what they can and convey it to their familiars. What they narrated as they heard it is true, but they add lies to it.” Narrated by Muslim (2229).

From this it is clear that the jinn do not have knowledge of the unseen, rather they steal words that they hear from the angels, but the angels themselves do not have any knowledge of that unless Allaah tells them of it. After they are told of it, it is no longer regarded as unseen in the absolute sense, but before that they are like anyone else in creation and do not know anything of the unseen. This depends on Allaah’s telling them of it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

““(He Alone is) the All‑Knower of the Ghayb (Unseen), and He reveals to none His Ghayb (Unseen)”

[al-Jinn 72:26].

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The noblest of the angelic Messengers, Jibreel, asked the noblest of the human Messengers, Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Tell me about the Hour.” He said: “The one who is asked about it is does not know any more about it than the one who is asking” meaning, just as you have no knowledge of it, I have no knowledge of it either. End quote.

Sharh al-‘Aqeedah al-Waasitiyyah, p. 158

And Allaah knows best.

https://islamqa.info/en/101968

‘You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not’

‘You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not’ refers to the fact that power and knowledge belong to Allaah alone, and the slave has no share of them except what Allaah decrees for him.

I have excerpted this from Islam QA 

https://islamqa.info/en/2217

2217: How to pray istikhaarah from Islam QA

2217: How to pray istikhaarah

Assalam alaikum. How do I pray salat al istikhara, at what times , and are there special dua that I can read for different cicumstances?

Published Date: 1998-06-24

Praise be to Allaah.

The description of Salaat al-Istikhaarah was reported by Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah al-Salami (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said:

“The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to teach his companions to make istikhaarah in all things, just as he used to teach them soorahs from the Qur’aan. He said: ‘If any one of you is concerned about a decision he has to make, then let him pray two rak’ahs of non-obligatory prayer, then say: Allaahumma inni astakheeruka bi ‘ilmika wa astaqdiruka bi qudratika wa as’aluka min fadlika, fa innaka taqdiru wa laa aqdir, wa ta’lamu wa laa a’lam, wa anta ‘allaam al-ghuyoob. Allaahumma fa in kunta ta’lamu haadha’l-amra (then the matter should be mentioned by name) khayran li fi ‘aajil amri wa aajilihi (or: fi deeni wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri) faqdurhu li wa yassirhu li thumma baarik li fihi. Allaahumma wa in kunta ta’lamu annahu sharrun li fi deeni wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri (or: fi ‘aajili amri wa aajilihi) fasrifni ‘anhu [wasrafhu ‘anni] waqdur li al-khayr haythu kaana thumma radini bihi (O Allaah, I seek Your guidance [in making a choice] by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allaah, if in Your knowledge, this matter (then it should be mentioned by name) is good for me both in this world and in the Hereafter (or: in my religion, my livelihood and my affairs), then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge it is bad for me and for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs (or: for me both in this world and the next), then turn me away from it, [and turn it away from me], and ordain for me the good wherever it may be and make me pleased with it.”

(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6841; similar reports are also recorded by al-Tirmidhi, al-Nisaa’i, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah and Ahmad).

Ibn Hijr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this hadeeth:

“Istikhaarah is a word which means asking Allaah to help one make a choice, meaning choosing the best of two things where one needs to choose one of them.

Concerning the phrase ‘The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to teach us to make istikhaarah in all things,’ Ibn Abi Jamrah said: ‘It is a general phrase which refers to something specific. With regard to matters that are waajib (obligatory) or mustahabb (liked or encouraged), there is no need for istikhaarah to decide whether to do them, and with regard to matters that are haraam (forbidden) or makrooh (disliked), there is no need for istikhaarah to decide whether to avoid them. The issue of istikhaarah is confined to matters that are mubaah (allowed), or in mustahabb matters when there is a decision to be made as to which one should be given priority.’ I say: it refers to both great and small matters, and probably an insignificant issue could form the groundwork for a big issue.

The phrase ‘If any one of you is concerned…’ appears in the version narrated by Ibn Mas’ood as: ‘if any one of you wants to do something…’

‘Let him pray two rak’ahs of non-obligatory prayer.’ This is mentioned to make it clear that it does not mean fajr prayer, for example. Al-Nawawi said in al-Adhkaar: He can pray istikaarah after two rak’ahs of regular sunnah prayer done at zuhr for example, or after two rak’ahs of any naafil prayers whether they are regularly performed or not… It seems to be the case that if he made the intention to pray istikhaarah at the same time as intending to pray that particular prayer, this is fine, but not if he did not have this intention.

Ibn Abi Jamrah said: The wisdom behind putting the salaat before the du’aa’ is that istikhaarah is intended to combine the goodness of this world with the goodness of the next. A person needs to knock at the door of the King (Allaah), and there is nothing more effective for this than prayer, because it contains glorification and praise of Allaah, and expresses one's need for Him at all times.

The phrase ‘then let him say’ would seem to imply that the du’aa’ should be said after finishing the prayer, and the word thumma (then) probably means after reciting all the words of the salaat and before saying salaam.

The phrase ‘O Allaah, I seek Your guidance by virtue of Your knowledge’ is explaining ‘because You know best.’ Similarly, ‘by virtue of Your power’ most likely means ‘seeking Your help.’ ‘I seek ability’ (astaqdiruka) means ‘I ask You to give me the power or ability (qudrah) to do’ whatever is being asked for, or it probably means ‘I ask You to decree (tuqaddir) this for me.’ So it may mean making it easy.

‘I ask You of Your great bounty’ refers to the fact that Allaah gives out of His great generosity, but no one has the right to His blessings. This is the opinion of Ahl al-Sunnah.

‘You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not’ refers to the fact that power and knowledge belong to Allaah alone, and the slave has no share of them except what Allaah decrees for him.

‘O Allaah, if in Your knowledge this matter…’ According to one report, he should mention it by name. It is apparent from the context that he should state it, but it is probably sufficient to be thinking of the matter whilst making this du’aa’.

‘Then ordain it for me’ means ‘make it happen for me’ or it may mean ‘make it easy for me.’

‘Then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it’ means ‘so that my heart will no longer feel attached to it after it has been turned away.’

‘Make me pleased with it’ means ‘make me content with it, so that I will never regret asking for it or be sorry that it happened, because I do not know how it will turn out, even if at the time of asking I am pleased with it.’

The secret is that one’s heart should not be attached to the matter in question, because that will result in a person becoming restless. Being pleased with something means that one’s heart is content with the decree of Allaah.

(Summarized from the commentary of al-Haafiz Ibn Hijr (may Allaah have mercy on him) on the hadeeth in Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab al-Da’waat and Kitaab al-Tawheed.).

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Friday, August 5, 2016

Part FIVE: Conversations with An Imaginary Girlfriend....

Mad at me?

Nope.

Ok. I am sorry. I was very harsh.

Nope. You werent and it is okay. You dont have to apologize or anything.

You are so withdrawn since then....

Bout of anger.

Ya. Does anger management stuff work?

Nothing better than Yoga.

You think so? I do that.

What you do is telly yoga.

Meaning?

Do the real stuff.

Define real stuff.

The Himalayan sage Yoga.

Sweetie....help me find a sage from the Himalayas in the first place!

Hmm.

Do they do boot camp? What is the real meaning of Yoga? You never fail to answer my rapid–fire questions. That never fails to amaze me. Define that ability.

It is Yoga!

Very funny. Dont dodge. Define. What is it? What do you call it? And, dont say it is intuition please!

It is intuition. What else!

How come you have it and I dont have it.

You have it too. You just have to hone it a little more.

Do you have supernatural powers?

Hush!

You serious?

Yep.

Like what?

Bilocation.

Really?

Yep.

You mean I have been living with a great modern-day Indian mystic and I didnt realize it?

Mystic? Nope. Dervish. Dervish. I am a Dervish.

What is the difference?

Anyways. Prove it.

Prove what?

Bilocation. And, your just professed occult powers.

I dont know how to do that but it happens.

Scary.

Maybe you are doing weird stuff and getting chummy with Jinns. Maybe voodoo and all. I cant trust you anymore. Freak!

Hmm. Yep....black magic is a dreadful thing....I shouldnt hobnob with the Jinns!

Maqsood: Please....Dont scare me.

Okay.

Yoga is subjective.

Why did it take you ages to answer that?

Anyways. Thanks, sweetie.

You are welcome.

Smarty–pants.

Yep.

You never told me that?

What?

That you are a Dervish and all. Maybe this place is haunted.

Yep. I feel force field.

What is that?

I dont know. There is something....and it emits energy.

Energy?

Yep.

And, you think it is a being?

Yep.

Invisible?

Baby.

Ok.

Why would those beings visit our place?

I dont know.

Tell me. You are Smarty–pants. You think I should call an exorcist?

Nope.

Why not? It might turn hostile.

I dont think so.

Maqsood: You are crazy.

You didnt tell me this....

Yep. I am sorry.

Maqsood.

Baby. I am really sorry.

Dont give me your elbow room theory.

Maybe it is mutating.

Baby stop watching alien movies. You are jumpy.

Harmless alien right? Why here?

I dont know.

Tell me. Maybe aliens are serendipitous like you. It is definitely something more than mere....plain....naive serendipity. Maqsood: You are warped....twisted....sicko....I dunno. Frankenstein.... Tell me about Shamanism.

I am a shaman. But Orthodox Islam doesnt let you venture into all those domains.

You are a shaman. You are a Dervish. You are Mister nobody. Can we coexist?

You and I?

No....idiot....that alien and us? Maybe we should tell a research scholar or a scientist about this phenomenon....They might demystify this force field stuff. Maybe it is not an alien. Why are we so obsessed with aliens?

Let us not disturb it. Maybe they are obsessed with us too.

You mean....particularly.....specifically you and I or humans in general?

I mean....maybe they think we are the most suitable human specimen.

Couple?

Yep.

Maybe they are studying your bisexual leanings!
Maybe they have a panacea for us.
Maybe they would tell us about some secret El Dorado.
Maybe it is an oracle.
Maybe you are on the same wavelength....that is why it is here.
Maybe its sexual orientation like yours is questionable! hehehehe

Baby you are an atheist.

No. I am not.

God.

What?

Dont tell me there is a Divine purpose....

Destiny.

What?

Where is it....by the way?

Kitchen.

God.

Scared?

Dunno.

Do you sense....feel that thing anywhere else?

Nope. I dont remember.

Ok.

Why kitchen?

It is deserted. Plausible reason....

Not exactly kitchen.

Then.

Its vicinity.

Ok.

Maybe it is not an alien? Maybe it is just a Jinn? Is is still there?

Nope.

Ok.

Sweetie.

Yep.

Ask it....does it play chess.

Ask it....Why 64 squares.

Maqsood: You are a hypocrite. We are not supposed to invoke or seek Jinns help right? Orthodox Islam prohibits that right? The Almighty God says in The Holy Quran that: “Will you then take him (Iblees) and his offspring as protectors and helpers rather than Me…?” [al-Kahf 18:50]

Doesnt the same principle apply to aliens?

And, God is: Lord of the Alameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists) right? So we cant invoke and seek help from all those beings....let us call all of them aliens for simplicity....a broad....blanket term.

Am I right, Smarty–pants?

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Part FOUR: Conversations with An Imaginary Girlfriend....

Why do you have such reverence for shepherds?

I believe all The Prophets were shepherds.

How about The Messengers?

I dont know. I am not sure.

Okay.

What is the difference between a Prophet and a Messenger?

I looked that up....but I forgot.

Okay.

Chess....

What about it?

Rook and all. Pawn...Queen....someone hundreds of years ago assigned them powers. Simply put: Those are the rules of the game. Nobody breaks them. Maybe we have changed the rules a little bit.

What are you getting at?

Does this sound plagiarized or original?

I dunno. You are very shrewd.

Tell me more about shepherds.

Why rook.... pawn....why not something else?

That how wars were fought in those days...duh...isnt that obvious?

No. The man or men who invented The Game of Chess must be quite intelligent.

Ya. So? Maybe a woman or women invented it. You are a male chauvinist.

Nope. I am not.

Yes...you are.

Okay.

Dont tell me chess is not chess it is something else...legacy of your ancestors....it denotes something else...and all that stuff. Even if you are right by any chance....it cant be more than an educational game for adults that might help them learn war strategies of your Stone Age ancestors.....that has no relevance today.

Nope. Nope.

Then....what?

Snakes and Ladders. Why do you love that game? Tell me about it.

Later. Let us talk about chess now.

Boring.

Baby.

Okay.

Thanks.

Chessboard....

Ya.

Why 64 squares?

Let me interrupt you....

Baby....NO!

Please....

God....Okay.....

Sorry....you think Indians invented chess?

Yep.

Scarecrow?

Yep.

Snakes and Ladders?

Yep.

Ancient Indians were smarty–pants like you....you got their genes....so naturally you too....

Baby....be serious....

I am serious....okay....go on....

Chessboard.

I thought you hate redundancy.

Yep.

Anyways.

Why 64 squares?

I dunno. Tell me.

Solar system.

Elaborate. By the way, this is purely hypothetical....and has no sound basis....

I know.

Why do we write?

Why do we write what?

Letters.

Give me an example of an epistolary novel.

Your favorite: Daddy-Long-Legs.

I love you so much. You are my baby. My Honeypot.

Does he say this to her? Maybe there is an updated version?

Nope. I am saying this to you.

So you are saying we write letters because we care....we love....

If someone close to you stops writing to you....

I would get worried after a while....

Hmm.

What?

What is an Email?

A more advanced form of postal system.

Yep.

No stamps. Do you miss that?

Can I give you a piece of advice weirdo?

Okay. What?

Do you really expect any girl to know the meaning of epistolary? Do you know the meaning of restraining order? Maqsood: Believe me....you are seriously retarded....and, I dont want to continue this....live in relationship.

Baby.

Fine. Continue.

Wait. Why do you love Homing Pigeons? Tell me about them. Maybe all these are somehow connected....right?

Your Blog Post about....

We were discussing chess.

Yep. But I want to tell you something about communication first.

Okay.

You know what hurts us the most when someone close to us dies?

What?

We cant communicate and share with them anymore. Never again. Never. That is exactly when we understand the real meaning of the word never. This word NEVER sinks in...
Perhaps that is why we abhor death....That is why a rogue medium thrives....cons a gullible....grieving relative of the deceased.

Memories.

Memories?

Yep.

Maqsood: Your intuition is very poor tonight....so SLEEP!

This topic is boring. Tell me about symbiosis.

Baby.

What?

Define Light?
Define Fire?
Define Bug?
Define Bugbear?

Bugs get attracted to light.

Hmm. Is that definition of light?

Nope. Observation.

And, my observation is: You wont use the word friend but sidekick right....for instance....You are pedantic! hehehehe

Okay. Define: Light.

I dont know. I would give it a serious try....

Hehehehe See....I told you....you should be put in a straitjacket!

Light is....

Stop stammering and give me its definition.

Okay. I am trying.

Okay.

Maybe light is....

Maqsood: Sleep. Turn off the light! Dont forget. But damn....you are so scared of darkness! You wont say fear of darkness you would use a special word for it nyctophobia....right? Okay....Define: Nyctophobia.

Baby dont mock me please.

I am not....

You are a nerd.

Nope. I am not.

See....you wont even say no....

Now....you would give me an unsolicited explanation....

No wonder....you have schizophrenia!

You write pulp on your Blog and expect people to read it and give you feedback!

How old are you?

You are a psychopath!

Nope. I am not.

Serial killer!

Nope. I am not.

Nazi.

See....you didnt even deny!

Okay. I dont really mean to be rude....you are a learned individual but I cant marry you....and we cant live like this forever. Stigma. Repercussions....blah, blah, blah!

Have you ever seen UFO: An unidentified flying object....flying saucer?

Nope. I havent.

Did aliens abduct you?

Nope. They didnt.

See you just affirmed that aliens exist!

Nope. I didnt.

You falsify.

You are an awe-inspiring conversationalist!

Nope. I am not.

Traumatized childhood?

Define dignity.

Tell me about your theory of cathartic Blogging and medicinal leech!

Later.

See....I just nuked you.

Uncalled for hostilities.

I am doing this because I want you to stop....quit loving me.

Stop....quit loving you?

Ya. Duh! You are very different. We are too different even for a symbiotic relationship.

I am NOT your soul mate. Please DO NOT give up your QUEST sweetie!

You are NOT my soul mate?

Bastard!

Shh!....baby that is profanity!

Ya. Ya.

Mister lady–killer? You should be flogged!

That is pretty draconian!

Dungeon!

Tell me about fencing? Do you like it?

Nope. But a mounted swordsman....yep.

You are a sissy!

Define saboteur?

I would zap the maverick in you eventually and enslave you. You are nothing more than a doomed parakeet. STOP muttering!

And, SLEEP!