As I got to the aircraft door, an Airhostess in a mustard Salwar Kameez greeted me with a smile and said "Salaam Alaikum" an Islamic greeting,the main greeting of the Muslim world and Pakistan. Airhostesses of PIA wear Tropical Pink, Mustard Yellow or Jade Green depending on their mood. You get real dreadful vibes -- get/feel butterflies (in your stomach) -- goose bumps -- pins and needles -- hunch -- premonition that you'd be hijacked even before take off if you board the wrong airlines -- A mob of kamikaze lynchers masquerading as air hostesses. C 814? Yep. -- Chorus: No. No. We aren't flying to Kandahar -- Yes, yes, this is short for Philippine Information Agency. Mentor. Yes, Dervish. This is NOT Onboard satellite phone, Mentor. This is a VoIP call. Inflight Wi-Fi, Mentor -- Ditto like American Airlines and, moreover Federal Communications Commission, Enforcement Bureau, 445 12th Street SW, Washington, DC 20554 -- compliant. Approval expiry date not checking Mentor, misprint something too. Quicky, quicky boarding. Excess Baggage Matter Happening. No security check Mentor only FrisBee Frisking Happening by Female Security Personal Personnel ditto like Colonel Sanders sorry Colonel Gaddafi Security. Mentor, Mentor: You sending Al Maliakah, Angels, or Angels of Death, Mentor? No, No why? Then saying Salamun Alai Kum in chorus. No background instrumental -- total Shariah-compliance -- that's why making this unscheduled call to you Mentor. Taking off Wi-Fi signal strength becoming strong telling asian ladies -- more bands coming telling -- believing 'em, Mentor or no? Weak signal that's why only audio no vdo coming -- stucking matter also happening -- unpredicitibale glitches snags happening. Mentor: Miss Spoc-y? She dumped you? -- I heard. Rumors? Who're these Rumor Mongers? Go on a fact-finding mission after dis-embark-kation card filling rituals -- ok, Dervish. Okay, Mentor. Mentor, bringing Extended Wi-Fi antenna but by mistake not putting in cabin baggage. By the way, where're you flying to? Domestic flight, mentor. Boarding card swapping goof-up happening this boarding pass saying: To see if your flight has Wi-Fi, look for the symbol on your boarding pass or check before you go. Only skull and crossbones sign here Mentor -- any Ar'Rad ThunderStrike Decree Scheduled Mentor? This is International PIA true saying but acronym different meaning deducing Philippine Information Agency telling -- maybe name changing -- aviation tax evasion -- aviatian tax fraud -- matter my Holmesian Logic -- Sherlock Holmes-like Shamanic Intuition telling Mentor. KFC there or no thinking -- 2pm - 4pm all you can eat scheme in abu dhabi kfc hamdan street semi-opposite to jumbo elctronics remembering -- okay mentor phone putting telling -- pilots very angry telling -- flight will go somewhere else burmunda triangle rectangle telling due to electronic interfernce -- no interference laissez farrez telling maybe going to France this flight then no scarfs allowed there -- why wearing these asian ladies scarfs my mind thinking....LOL