Monologue: stream of consciousness -- the continuous unedited chronological flow of conscious experience through the mind

Eyes: Her eyes are vulnerable. Shy scared Frightened of something I don’t know what what could possibly be giving her a fright I wonder sometimes Thousand and One Nights Tales of in her eyes yes awe awe-inspiring eyes romance no that’s such a mundane word netheir love it’s some emotion a strong emotion unspoken words yes her eyes speak something something a language I’m not familiar with I tell her things I’m sort of reserved reserved in the sense I don’t want to offend her I don’t know she doesn’t say anything at all no words silence like welcome silence my triumph over schizophrenia dunno whenever someone says silence I remember that book I have never been into a library before a library you know a real library they show it in the movies you have to be silent and read take notes forget it forget books I read a book it was about body language how to read a person like a book but people are smart now foxy you see they mimic pseudo body language and you think you cracked that person and they con you like real con men our snake charmers you see they learn a trick or two from them I cant marry her you have to be real somebody real somebody whats that whos that yeh yeah exactly you have to be in the whos who then you might you could possibly socialize with someone like her all I have is forget it nothing fantasy yeah sacred fantasy im a whirling dervish you see I forget it im kashkol guy you friendly neighborhood spiderman they are my friends who spidermen that’s cartoon strip no cobwebs spider web those guys but those are creatures ew creepy crawlies no they teach you a thing or two about life about survival about many things never look down upon anything don’t call anything anything give it a nickname respect dignity for life be prolife always dignity beggar all of us beg some for grades some for promotion some for alms our ways are different so you are a saint no im a no I want to be a close friend of Allaah a sincere slave of Allaah Allaah knows the best eyes whats in her eyes something for you yes dunno love dunno its not love its something a promise a promise yes a promise to keep a promise a promise not to break a promise yes talking to you helped who are you anyways im your friend they are telling me what will you do if people trouble her if they find out something fishy going around between you two I will curse them I will invoke Allah’s curse on them that it oh obliterated yeah then what what do you wanna do in you life nothing just dhikr zikar Pray be Thankful to Allaah for all his favors and bounties upon us beseech Allaah with fear with humility in secret with hope that’s all eat write this Blog do a bit of facebook thingy check email if a new girl in the block emailed me or what that’s all chai commuting that’s all want everyone to be safe and happy the world is my extended family I respect and love everybody all of us are creatures of Allah Allah Rab Ul Alameen Lord of Mankind Jinn and All That Exists. Happy talking to you hope she somehow stumbles on your Blog someday and reads this and and what nothing smiles at you and calls you crazy the whirling dervish one more fake hehehehehehhehehe heheehhehehhehehehe you think so yeah hope pray for her idiot okay im idiot savant whatever gotta go have a smoke you don’t drink energy drinks I used to Japanese lipovitan from Tokyo I don’t get it here in india in emirates its everywhere in all the shacks so whats so special about hara-kiri people honor that’s particularly remarkable about them and elaborate tea ritual if they love you they have tea with you……okay stop blah blah blah you are so incoherent write properly no this is stream of consciousness writing no spell checker no Merriam Webster either no punctuation marks no nothing write just keep writing like all our chat friends buddies ya write you stopped drink some water I will few sips have a smoke write some more and then post it wait for feedback then write something else next day InshaAllah. Email her tell her you love her want to marry her have kids home tree house and all that stuff no hundredth monkey phenomenon I want her to be safe and happy her eyes are sad that bothers me sad eyes shes like you many personalites maybe ya no at least two ya one public persona one private take off the mask it peels off on its own when you are alone really really alone lights dimmed or off sleeping mask on then the poltergeist and all that starts making your life miserable like everyday nothing new we grew up with it…we miss it if it aint bothering us I should stop writing and post it rite ya you should get something for your cough its real bad ya I would 

Mad, moron and misfit . . . .

Crazy. That word activates my built–in profanity filter. That word hurts me. I immediately get into a defensive stance. That doesn't mean I retort. I never do that. I never did that. But I always try to defend . . . . I try to get my point across that I'm an idiot savant. Wait a minute . . . . I still have to tell you a wee bit about avant–gardism. But poof they vanish into thin air. Clinical psychiatrist A thinks that I've Schizophrenia but Headshrinker B thinks that I'm some Jekyll and Hyde-type person. I don't want to be pigeonholed. I just . . . . simply want to adhere to Sharee'ah and abide by its commands and prohibitions, and to seek the help of Allaah and pray to Him for guidance (Istikhaarah) concerning all my affairs. In a nutshell: I want to live a simple, religiously-committed life. A Sharee'ah-compliant life.

An insane person doesnt understand what insanity is . . . . 

Nearly 2% of the general population in our country is affected with mental retardation. There are presently about 168 lakhs of mentally retarded people in our country. -- National Institute for the Mentally Handicapped, Ministry of Social Justice and Empowerment, Govt. of India.

I'm just postscriptal numeric datum. Why bother about me? By the way, what're you doing in this shack -- anyways? Go back to your so-called SOHO (Small Office Home Office) and do some trailblazing grid computing thingummies. Bottlenecks? Redefine 'em. Did you ever deliberately try to use Ease of Access features of your home or office computer for a few minutes -- You should've -- You'd have E-mailed your inputs to the vendor -- Your inputs might've materialized into something like a boon for the differently abled into their revised copy of the software -- The vendors always hanker for such breakthrough-kind of input(s). 

Retard is a pejorative. Mad, moron and misfit -- such euphemistically-riddled vocab wont give you any intelligentsia-like leverage over me. Don't dream big. Achievable goals like a rabid-free mongrels neighborhood. A community alien to the idea of rabies-phobia. Got it?

By the way, origin and etymology of the word schadenfreude is German. First Known Use: 1895. But it's not Greek to me. Greek mythology is my forte and probably your bugbear. Chase specters -- start with your own shadow on a reasonably sunny day. Such eccentricities turn you into a life–size phantom someday. 

Would you ring your Meteorological Department for that eh? Is that toll–free yet? Do you have to get your wings for that -- in the first place? Hello, operator -- I'm a Student Pilot -- No, no -- Please don't get me wrong -- No, no -- I didn't get my PPL (Private Pilot License) yet -- Yep, yep -- We could hook up for some coffee -- Rain check--er--ahem--No, staticky -- No, no--I don't study Statistics -- Not asking about your vital statistics, Ma'am! Bam! She cradled the phone! So you're talking to your babysitter? Still hung up on her eh? Perv!

A Whirling Dervish: In denial . . . .

Remorse, repentance and a sincere effort to undo the seemingly daunting if not impossible past is expiation for unspeakable wrongs -- colloquially speaking. Worldly context. -- Not self–flagellation -- that's masochistic or sadomasochistic -- figuratively, metaphorically or literally. There's no antidote -- countermeasure for those Daleks we summoned and invoked ourselves for nothing but unabashed evil. Now, our shamans couldn't possibly make those zombies play dead again -- for real.

Yep, yep -- I'm talking our personal Frankenstein's monsters that never seem to stop gnawing our entrails! 

Tsk–tsk!

Look that dead zombie is pouting again. I swear I'm not a junkie or even a hippie -- mister -- trust me!

Have you ever taken any illegal drugs?

I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs.

What's substance abuser, anyways?

A Whirling Dervish -- In denial: Writing a book in whimsically self-imposed, altruistic exile seesawing between macabre, unearthly ecstasy and spiritual hara–kiri.

That's making me schadenfreude phobic!

The horrifyingly pertinacious guilt that stalks real soon after we succumb to yet another bizarre satanic insinuation in dark and deep recesses of our minds in spite of our so–called resolute mind–sets.

No wonder, I see ubiquitous shamefaced people like me. Mirror images are real eh?

Vampire Bat

Asian house shrew

My Comments: Definition of gender identity

You get a clue to Caitlyn Jenner's emotional state — the relief and the leftover sadness — in a one-minute promo for "I Am Cait," her upcoming show. You get a strong dose of the new reality, too: There she is on the screen, Caitlyn Jenner, wearing a bathrobe and applying makeup, the embodiment of mature femininity, as she speaks:

How many people go through life and just waste their entire life because they never deal with themselves, to be who they are?

Keywords: How many people -- Waste their entire life -- Because they never deal with themselves -- To be who they are

This question shouldn't be interpreted in terms of sexual orientation / preferences alone. This interrogative applies in all spheres of our lives. We're still playing our childhood's favorite make believe "Cowboys and Indians" game.

To be continued...

Definition of Gender identity

Definition of gender identity
:  a person's internal sense of being male, female, some combination of male and female, or neither male nor female (Facebook provides more than 50 options beyond “male” and “female” for users to describe their gender identity, from “gender questioning” and “neither” to “androgynous.” — The Chicago Tribune)

First Known Use of gender identity: 1964
www.merriam-webster.com

Editorial: From Bruce to Caitlyn: When 'the total man' becomes a woman
http://www.chicagotribune.com/
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/editorials/ct-jenner-caitlyn-bruce-transgender-understanding-20150610-story.html

Excerpts:

On YouTube you can find a TV clip of Jenner from the Games. It's one of those ABC-TV hagiographies depicting the athlete as mythic figure. Legendary sportscaster Jim McKay narrated, in a dramatic reading for the ages, as Jenner on videotape flew by on the last turn of the 400-meter race, muscles taut, face grimacing, hair flying:

Strong though he is, just as lean and hard and well-trained as he could possibly be, still, this is the face of a tired, breathless man, reaching for reserves not used until now. And that's the purpose of the decathlon — to test the total man, body and spirit, to the last ounce of energy."

Yes, that was Bruce Jenner: "The total man, body and spirit."

How odd it must have felt for Jenner to be seen by the world as the definition of masculinity, and then to look in a mirror and see ... the opposite?

You get a clue to Caitlyn Jenner's emotional state — the relief and the leftover sadness — in a one-minute promo for "I Am Cait," her upcoming show. You get a strong dose of the new reality, too: There she is on the screen, Caitlyn Jenner, wearing a bathrobe and applying makeup, the embodiment of mature femininity, as she speaks:

How many people go through life and just waste their entire life because they never deal with themselves, to be who they are?

We're all on a journey here. Now that gender identity is a recognized concept, and transgender people have found their voices through the media, the cultural, legal and political realities are getting sorted out. Should transgender personnel be allowed to serve in the military? Should insurance companies be compelled to cover reassignment surgery? Do we all know the right pronouns to use?

Another question some ask: Do we really need to embrace this trend, too? Can't we please just ignore it?

Society has struggled like this before. There was a time when intermarriage between faiths and races was taboo, when homosexuality was illegal, when "don't ask, don't tell" was the rule. Then the culture shifted and what seemed wrong or abnormal became accepted, and normal.

For most of recorded history, a man who believed his true identity was female locked those feelings away. Now we're in a moment of cultural discovery about another frontier in sexual politics. This moment will pass and transgenderism will seem different, but not so strange.